Chapter 1

Rachel’s Point Of View:

I throw up. I’ve been throwing up. Too much. For like a week now. Well, let’s hope it’s nothing too serious.

“Rach, you still throwing up?” Hannah asks, worried.

“Yeah. I’m gonna go to the doctor’s tomorrow. Don’t worry Han.” I say.

“Alright.” Hannah says, unbelieving.

“Don’t worry so much.” I say.

“Rach…are you sure you’re not pregnant?” Hannah asks.

“No of course not. I’m sure.” I say.

“You’re eating way more than you usually do.” Hannah says.

“Ooh…well…really?” I ask.

Hannah nods.

“Well I better watch my weight then. Cheers girl.” I say.

Hannah looks at me worried.

“I’m gonna go talk to Paul. Talk to you later.” Hannah says.

I nod. Am I pregnant? It can’t be…I mean…well…maybe Jeremy…my mobile suddenly rings.

“Hello?” I ask.

“Hi babe.”

It’s Jeremy.

“Hi love.” I say.

“How are things going?” Jeremy asks.

“It’s okay.” I say.

“Are you still vomiting?” Jeremy asks.

“Yeah. I’m gonna go to the doctors a little later.” I say.

“I’ll take you tomorrow.” Jeremy says.

“Alright.” I say.

“Bye. Love you.” Jeremy says.

“Bye. I love you too.” I say.

I close my mobile.

Paul’s Point Of View:

There is a knock on the door.

“Pauly?”

It’s Hannah. My best friend in the band. She’s the only one that truly understands me. Well, Brad and Jon are pretty good friends but Han’s the only one I could connect with.

“Paul? Are you in there?”

“Yeah.” I say.

Hannah comes in. She walks near me on my bed.

“What’s wrong?” Hannah asks.

Hannah strokes my hair. She’s been doing that ever since we knew each other before the band. She knows all of my problems and secrets. She has the ability to drill things out of me. She could see right through my face.

“I’m a little tired, that’s all.” I say.

Hannah smiles and leaves. I sigh. I miss her presence already. I think I’m falling for her. I’ve been watching Hannah’s moves. She’s such a good friend. I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t be like this…that I shouldn’t feel something for Hannah. Maybe it’s because we’ve been friends for so long…she only considers me a friend. I always have a strong urge to kiss her soft lips whenever I see her…she’s the only one that can take my away from my problems…we’re both single, at least for now…but I want her so badly…

Hannah’s Point Of View:

I slump down next to Jon on the couch.

“What ya watching?” I ask.

“A soapy movie.” Jon says.

“Ooh.” I say.

“How are things with Paul?” Jon asks.

“Oh I don’t know. I’m not sure if he feels the same way about me.” I say.

“Well…it’s better to get rejected than to take no chance at all.” Jon says.

“Not really.” I say.

“Give it a chance. You never know.” Jon says.

“Right…well let’s enjoy the movie, shall we?” I ask.

“Yeah.” Jon says.

I sigh as I watch the movie. My mind keeps on drifting off to another world…if only I had Paul with me…

Chapter 2

Rachel’s Point Of View:

My mobile rings and I pick it up.

“Hello?” I ask.

“Hi. Jeremy here.” Jeremy says.

“Hi.” I say.

“Come down, babe. I’m here.” Jeremy says.

“Alright.” I say.

“Bye.” Jeremy says.

I hang up. I lean forward and grab my jacket on the way out.

“Where you going Rach?” Jon asks as he comes in.

“Out. Doctor’s. Jeremy’s taking me.” I say.

“Oh bye.” Jon says.

Jon walks through into the living room and I exit the flat.

*~*~*

“Hi babe.” Jeremy says I get outside.

He comes over and kisses me. He opens the door for me to get in the car. I get in and he smiles. During the whole drive, we talk about everything that’s been going on in our lives. I love him so much. Jeremy looks at my hand.

“You’re not wearing your ring.” Jeremy says, hurt.

“Aww…baby…I took it off for a performance last time.” I say, smiling.

“Okay.” Jeremy says.

He drives in the doctor’s office and we get out of the car. Jeremy wraps his arms around me as we walk in.

“Hi.” The nurse says.

“Hi.” I say.

“Do you have an appointment?” the nurse asks.

“Yes. I’m uh…Rachel Stevens.” I say.

The nurse looks through her list of patients.

“Ok the doctor will see you now.” She says.

Jeremy and I walk in together into the doctor’s office. The doctor stands up.

“Hello.” The doctor says.

“Hi.” I say.

Jeremy holds my hand.

“Okay, Ms. Stevens, what seem to be the problem?” the doctor asks.

“Uh…I’ve been vomiting quiet a lot lately.” I say.

“How long has this been happening?” the doctor asks.

“Um…about a week or so now.” I say.

“Alright. Is there any chance at all that you might be pregnant?” the doctor asks, looking at Jeremy.

“There might be a chance but we did use protection…” I say.

“Well those things might break off sometime. Let’s take some tests.” The doctor says.

“Okay.” I say.

The doctor puts me through a lot of tests and then finally he looks up. Jeremy looks at me anxiously.

“It’s final. You are pregnant.” The doctor says.

“Oh my…” I say.

“How long?” Jeremy asks.

“It’s been about 2 and a half months now.” The doctor says.

“Wow…” I whisper.

Jeremy kisses me.

“Thank you.” I say.

We get out of the hospital. I don’t even bother to ask Jeremy how he feels about this. He looks so happy.

“Jez, what are we gonna do?” I ask.

“I’ll take care of you, Ratz. Don’t worry. I can’t wait.” Jeremy says.

I’m too dumbfounded to say anything. Jeremy kisses me.

“I love you babe.” Jeremy says.

“I love you too.” I say.

I have this really nervous feeling but I hope everything will be alright. I can’t wait either. As soon as I get into the house, I announce it to everyone that I’m pregnant.

“That’s great, Rach!” Hannah shouts immediately.

“But…how are you going to take care of everything?” Jon asks.

“It won’t be that hard. I mean I could manage everything.” I say.

“Wow…” Bradley says.

“So it’s Jeremy’s right?” Paul asks.

“Of course…” I say but I pause.

I look at Paul again. He looks a bit nervous.

“Ooh how many months?” Tina asks.

“2 and a half.” I say.

Paul drops the glass cup he was holding. Everyone looks at him.

“What’s the matter Paul?” Hannah asks.

“Can I talk to you, Rach? Privately?” Paul asks.

“Yeah sure.” I say.

As we walk together into the kitchen, that’s when it strikes me.

Chapter 3

“Are you sure the baby isn’t mine?” Paul asks.

I look into his eyes and he looks so worried.

“Yeah I’m sure. It can’t be…we only did it once…” I say.

“That was exactly 2 and half months ago.” Paul says.

“It can’t be…Jeremy and I did it much more than we did…” I whisper.

“We didn’t use…” Paul says.

“I know…” I say.

“Damn…I’m sorry Ratz. I didn’t…we both weren’t thinking…I mean the long hours were so stressful on me…I just needed a break.” Paul says.

“Me too. Well…I’m positive that the baby is Jeremy’s.” I say.

“How do you know?” Paul asks.

“I got a feeling, ya know.” I say.

Paul looks at me, still worried.

“Jeremy’s taking it very well. He’s so happy right now. It’s gotta be his. I mean…Life…” I say.

“As long as you’re sure that the baby isn’t mine…” Paul says.

I nod.

“Then congratulations Rachel.” Paul says.

I smile. We hug and then we go back into the living room, where everyone else is watching telly.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Paul’s Point Of View:

I lean back, next to Hannah on the couch. Everyone else is already in bed. I wrap my arms around her shoulders, in a friendly term. She smiles and our lips somehow get closer and closer…passionate kiss…

“Oh my god…” Hannah whispers.

“That was amazing…” I say.

“You felt it?” Hannah asks.

“Yeah…” I say.

“Oh god I love you…” Hannah whispers.

“I love you too.” I say.

Chapter 4

Paul’s Point Of View:

Hannah falls asleep in my arms. I turn off the television and kiss her head. It’s been a long night. We’re in the living room, so we have to somehow get out of this mess before the others wake up. I look at her again. My bare skin and her bare skin match perfection. Our body heats are engaged in one whole. I lean in and kiss her again. It’s been crazy, but I’ve been longing to do this for such a long time.

*~*~*~*~*

2 Years Later

“Han?” I ask.

I walk into the living room.

“Hannah?” I ask.

I put down my keys and then take off my coat.

“Han?” I ask again.

No response. I walk around the room, looking for her. I finally find her, wrapped in a blanket, on the couch. I sigh as I watch her sleep. Her hair hides her face and I pull it gently apart. Her soft face is visible now. I put the blanket on top of her and then take a shower. I come back out in more comfortable clothes. Hannah’s still sleeping on the couch. I lift her up gently as possible and then carry her to our room. She’s so light…well compared to me at least. I put her down softly on our bed and pull the covers on her.

“I love you, Hannah.” I say.

Hannah stirs in her sleep but doesn’t wake up. I kiss her cheek and then turn off the light. I get into bed and then pull her close to me gently. I can now feel Hannah’s steady breathing. I kiss her again and then lay there, awake. It’s been weeks since I had last seen Hannah. I’m trying to kick off with Skua, and Hannah’s still in S Club. We’ve been so much apart. Rachel had a baby. She gave birth to a girl about a year and a half ago. She and Jeremy are trying the best as they possibly can to raise her, but it’s been tough. Rachel usually takes care of Jennie and she’s with the band a lot but Jeremy is in the show biz also so they’ve been managing it pretty well.

“Pauly?” Hannah suddenly asks.

“Yeah it’s me, babe.” I say.

“You’re home…” Hannah whispers.

“Yeah.” I say.

I kiss her. She turns around and faces me in the darkness. We deepen into a kiss and then I start kissing her neck when Hannah pushes me away gently.

“Pauly, we can’t do it right now.” Hannah says.

“Why not?” I ask.

“I have early performance tomorrow and I can’t be tired out. Sorry honey.” Hannah says.

“Oh well…” I say.

I smell the faint scent of Hannah’s lotion. It’s so great to be with her again. It’s getting tougher for me to handle everything from Skua to arriving home to catching up with Hannah’s schedule. We’re managing everything okay, though. Suddenly, the phone rings. It’s almost midnight. Who would call?

Chapter 5

I reach out and get the phone.

“Hello?” I ask.

“Paul?” Rachel asks in panic.

“Yeah it’s me.” I say.

“Oh thank god you’re there.” Rachel says.

Rachel bursts into tears and the line gets loud with her sobs.

“What’s wrong Rach?” I ask.

“Paul, Jennie and Jeremy were in an accident. I need you and Hannah down here.” Rachel says.

“Oh my god. We’ll get to the hospital right now.” I say.

I hang up and Hannah looks at me.

“Han, Jennie and Jeremy have been in an accident.” I sat.

“Oh dear…” Hannah says.

“We gotta get to the London hospital now.” I say.

“Okay.” Hannah says.

*~*~*

The smell of the hospital is driving me crazy. The medicine and the rushing people…there are doctors running here, and doctors running there. The hurried emergency notices on the speakers and Rachel’s uncontrollable sobs mix into a big mess. So, here we are, in the ER waiting room and I’m not even sure what exactly happened.

“Rach, what exactly happened?” I ask.

“The car went off the road. They’re both in critical condition.” Rachel says.

“Oh dear. Are you okay, Rach?” Hannah asks.

Rachel shakes her head and cries into Hannah’s shoulder.

<~~~~~~~~4 Hours Later

Finally, the doctor comes out.

“Do you think…are they alright?” Rachel asks.

“I’m sorry. Perhaps it’d be better if we talk inside my office.” The doctor says.

“Please just tell me here.” Rachel says.

The doctor sighs and takes a long look at us.

“Did you say that your husband is the father of your child?” the doctor says.

“Yes. Of course.” Rachel says.

“Well, their DNA’s don’t match.” The doctor says.

“That’s…that’s not possible.” Rachel says.

“I don’t think we’ve made any mistakes. Your husband will get better, he’s slipped out of critical condition. However, unless we find a match for Jennie…she won’t survive. She lost tremendous amount of blood and unless we find the biological father…”

“Can’t I? I mean, the blood tests, I’ll do anything!” Rachel shouts.

“We’ve already tested, I’m sorry, Mrs. Edwards…you aren’t an exact fit.” The doctor says

Chapter 6

*~*~*

“Paul can we talk?” Rachel asks.

“Yeah.” I say.

We walk over to a secluded area away from Hannah.

“The baby…I mean Jennie, she’s gotta be yours.” Rachel says.

“What?” I ask.

“If Jeremy isn’t her biological dad, then you’re the only possibility.” Rachel says.

“That can’t be possible.” I say.

“Remember? I know that you do. Paul, I know I’m asking for a big favor but she’s my girl…I can’t let her die.” Rachel says.

Tears roll down Rachel’s face.

“I’ll do anything, Paul, please save her…” Rachel says.

“Okay.” I say.

“You’d do it?” Rachel asks.

“Yeah.” I say.

*~*~*

“Okay the tests are in and you are the father.” The nurse says.

I nod and sigh.

“We’re going to need and blood transplant and an elun (a/n I made it up) for Jennie. Are you ready?” the nurse asks.

“Yeah I am.” I say.

*~*~*

Rachel’s Point Of View:

I pace around and then sit down. Hannah looks at me. Paul’s going in to save Jennie. Hannah’s crying now, probably because she now discovered that Paul is Jennie’s biological father. She looks as though she’s been stabbed by a knife.

“Mrs. Edwards?” the doctor asks.

“Yes?” I ask.

“You may see your husband now. He will regain his consciousness in a couple of hours.” The doctor says.

I walk to Jeremy’s room, with Hannah behind me. When I get to the door, I pause.

“Han, you alright?” I ask.

Hannah wipes her eyes.

“Yeah I’ll be fine.” Hannah says.

“It was a mistake over a year ago. Paul and you weren’t together that time.” I say.

“Okay.” Hannah says.

I walk in the room and Hannah stays behind. There lies Jeremy, with a white band covering his head. His arm is in a cast. Tears roll down my face as I think of how much pain he must have gone through. It’s unbearable.

“Jeremy…” I whisper.

“Jez, you went through so much…god…I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there with you. But you’re going to be okay now…” I say.

“Rach! Is he alright?”

I turn around and see Jo, Jon, Tina, and Bradley. Hannah’s turned away in a corner, crying.

“Yeah he’ll be fine.” I say.

“Hannah told us about Jennie. So she’s Paul’s?” Bradley asks.

“Bradley! Now’s not the time!” Jo whispers, hitting Bradley.

“Man it’s complicated!” Bradley says.

Everyone turns and shoot him a look. I sigh. It really is complicated. TOO complicated…

Chapter 7

Paul’s Point Of View:

I look at all the blood they’ve taken from me. All that blood. Plus they took some elun. What the hell is that anyway? Whatever it is, I’m hurting. My arm is aching. At least I get to have some cookie. They’re really sugary.

“Will Jennie be okay?” I ask the nurse.

“We’re positive that she will survive. She’s taken into 3 hour surgery.”

I flinch at the word “surgery”. Eugh.

“Can I go?” I ask.

The nurse nods. I walk out of the transplant room and into the waiting room. There, in a corner, I see Hannah crying. I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her shoulder. She looks up at me, tears falling rapidly down her red face.

“What’s wrong, babe? Is everything alright?” I ask.

“How can you do this?” Hannah asks.

“I’m sorry sweetie. I didn’t…we weren’t thinking that time. It was only once and it was before you and I got together.” I say.

“Paul, you and I got together right after Rachel showed signs of pregnancy. Wouldn’t you have known?” Hannah asks.

“Rachel thought Jennie wasn’t mine. We both assumed that the baby was Jeremy’s. I mean there was a greater chance. I told you we only did it once. We were both so tired that day and we just needed to get our minds off…” I say.

“Did you use protection?” Hannah asks.

I look at her and shake my head. Hannah sighs. More tears drop onto my jeans.

“What are you going to do?” Hannah asks.

“We’ll act like we did always. Nothing’s changed. Jez is a nice guy and he’ll still have Jennie as his own. Don’t worry about it too much Han. We have bigger things to worry about like if Jennie and Jeremy would survive.” I say.

Hannah nods and I lean to kiss her cheek. Hannah doesn’t object but has a bitter face.

“I love you…” I say.

Hannah doesn’t respond. Before all this happened, when I told Hannah that I loved her, she would look at me with her crystal blue eyes with wonder. She would truly smile with her soul and then give me such a deep, sweet kiss. Then, she would return the “I love you”. We went through that every time. But now, Hannah stares at me with such sadness…

“Baby, everything’s gonna be fine. Leave the worrying to me. Nothing’s gonna break us, okay?” I ask.

Hannah nods and then we pull into a hug.

“Where’s Rachel?” I ask.

“She went to see Jeremy. He’s gonna regain his consciousness in a couple of hours.”

“That’s good news.” I say.

I hold Hannah tighter to me. What have you done, Paul?!?!? I shout inside my brain.

Chapter 8

*~*~the next day

Paul’s Point Of View:

I wake up in the hospital. Somehow, all of us have managed to sleep here. I remember having Hannah wrapped in my arms in these very uncomfortable chairs but I don’t see her anywhere. I sit up and look around the room. Everyone’s sleeping but Hannah doesn’t seem to be here. Then, a small thing catches in the edge of my eye. I look back at it and see something brown. It suddenly moves and I realize that it’s the hospital blanket and I’m guessing that Hannah’s under it. I walk closer to it, silently. I was about to reach out and pull the blanket off, but I hear Hannah sobbing under the blanket. Muffed sobs fill my ear. I want to cry, too. Making my girlfriend cry is the least thing I want to do right now. I feel as though I just swallowed a whole cup of ice in one second. Hannah curls up into a very small ball and I hear her crying even more. I reach out, pulling the blanket off her. Hannah looks at me. Her arm sleeves are all wet, probably of her tears. Hannah has a really red face, covered with her tears…I sigh and hug her. She pulls away from me, and runs to the bathroom. I follow her, running.

“Hannah stop!” I shout.

Hannah continues on running and then she trips and falls. She sits on the floor, crying. I hurry over to her, holding her.

“Hannah…shh…” I say.

Hannah gives up on trying pulling away from me. She leans in closer to me and I cover her body with my arms. I keep noticing that she’s so small. So small and delicate. I should be done for murder, making her cry like this.

“Pauly, what’s gonna happen to us? I admit that I love you so much…I’m scared of losing you. I’m the one in the difficult position. I’m like an in between person…” Hannah whispers.

“You’re not an in between person. I love you. You’re the one that matters the most to me. Don’t be scared. I’ll always be here.” I say.

I finally get her to stand up and then walk back to the waiting room. I put Hannah down on the chairs and pull her onto my arms. She falls asleep, breathing soundly. Oh god. I’ve created a mess. But is it gonna be as a big deal as it looks like? Hannah’s taking this way too hard on herself, but I know that the tears keep falling out of her control. I’m so confused, and I don’t know what to do. The thought that Jennie really is mine, and that I’m the father hasn’t really sunken in yet. Jennie’s mine…wow…I have a child?

Chapter 9

I wake up, with the sun in my eye, and notice that Hannah hasn’t moved at all and is still in my arms. I pull her closer and kiss her hair. I absorb her perfume and I’m in love with everything that she has. Everything from our morning kisses to our nighttime madness…

“Hi Paul.” Rachel says.

“Hey Ratz.” I say.

“We hadn’t had time to talk about the situation.” Rachel says.

“Yeah. I know.” I say.

I look down at Hannah. She’s still soundly sleeping. She looks so pretty.

“Hannah’s not handling it very well.” I say.

“Yeah I noticed. Well, we all kind of did.” Rachel says.

“Is Jennie going to be okay?” I ask.

Rachel nods.

“Did Jeremy regain his consciousness?” I ask.

Rachel nods again.

“That’s great.” I say.

“I couldn’t…Paul…I couldn’t bear to tell Jeremy that Jennie isn’t ours. But he has a right to know…but oh, Paul, I don’t know what will happen. I mean…oh…” Rachel says.

Rachel starts to cry.

“I’m so glad that they’re both okay, but since Jennie ended up being yours…I mean…” Rachel says.

“Yeah. It’s confusing and hard.” I say.

Rachel nods.

“I still don’t have the idea clearly inside my brain.” I say.

“I know. It seems so awkward…” Rachel says.

The doctor enters.

“Good morning. Ms. Stevens, Jennie regained her consciousness.” The doctor says.

Rachel jumps up.

“Can I see her?” Rachel asks.

“Yes you can. I’m sorry that the hospital didn’t allow you to see her before, it was a matter of surgery and we had to get everything organized.” The doctor says.

Rachel and I follow the doctor into Jennie’s room.

“She’s gonna be fine.” The doctor says.

He gives us a smile and then leaves.

We get into the room and see Jennie. Her long, dark brown hair covers her face. Her face has scratches on it, but nothing too serious looking. She looks pale and tired.

“Mummy?” Jennie asks.

“Yes Jennie, it’s me.” Rachel says.

Rachel goes over and kisses her.

“Mummy where are we? Where’s daddy?” Jennie asks.

“Ooh, baby, it’s a long story…” Rachel says.

I sigh. That little girl. Mine? Naw…can’t be.

“Hi uncle Pauly.” Jennie says.

“Hi.” I say heavily.

“Anything you want, honey?” Rachel asks.

“I want sniffy.” Jennie says.

“We’ll get you sniffy, Jen.” Rachel says.

Sniffy is Jennie’s little stuffed dog that I bought for her when she was born. Of course, back then, everything was perfect.

“Oh I’m so glad you’re okay.” Rachel says.

“Why cry, mummy?” Jennie asks.

Rachel shakes her head and just kisses Jennie again.

“Can me see daddy? Where is daddy?” Jennie asks.

What a cutie. Since Jeremy’s been such a great dad…well we’ve got nothing to worry about, right?

Rachel’s Point Of View:

I kiss Jennie again. She’s such a girl. I love her till death and I’m so relieved that two most important people in my life are okay now. But things are so complex and confusing now…

*~*~*3 Months Later…

Rachel’s Point Of View:

“You won’t believe how much I missed this, Rach.” Jeremy says.

I look at him. I can’t tell him what happened. I just can’t.

“I know. I missed you a lot too.” I say.

Jeremy wraps his arms around me and then kisses my neck.

“Oh babe…” I say.

“I love you so much, Rach.” Jeremy says.

I pull away from him and turn around, facing him.

“I need to tell you something important Jeremy.” I say.

“What is it?” Jeremy asks.

“I…” I start.

“What’s the matter?” Jeremy asks.

“Jeremy…something happened in the hospital with Jennie…” I say.

“Why? I know that someone saved her…did you ever get to meet who?” Jeremy asks.

“No it’s not that…well it is…” I say.

“Just say it, baby. It’s alright. You know I’ll listen.” Jeremy says.

“Okay. Jeremy…Jennie’s…Jennie’s not yours.” I say finally.

Chapter 10

Rachel’s Point Of View:

“Not mine…?” Jeremy says.

He laughs.

“You’re joking!” Jeremy says.

I shake my head and tears fall out of my face.

“Then…what?” Jeremy says.

I start sobbing and Jeremy looks down at me.

“I can’t believe this…then…who?” He asks.

I start crying and through muffled sobs I answer.

“Paul.” I say.

*~*~*~*

Paul’s Point Of View:

Finally Hannah gave in. After some yelling and more yelling, she finally stopped the crying and the worrying. So we’re in a romantic dinner right now, with her smiling at me and I’m feeling happier than ever. It was a mistake with Rachel, but god, what a mess it made. Hannah finally gave me a second chance and here it is. One more step out of line, and I’m outta here…

“Mmm…this is nice.” I say.

Hannah smiles. She takes a sip of her coffee.

“I’ll be right back.” Hannah says.

I nod as she leaves. My eyes follow her small but lovely figure as she walks to the other side of the restaurant. As soon as she disappears out of my view, my mobile starts ringing. I pick up.

“Hello?” I ask.

“Paul?”

It’s Rachel. She sounds as though she’s been heavily crying.

“Yeah it’s me.” I say.

Rachel sobs into the phone.

“What’s the matter Ratz?” I ask.

“Jeremy…he left me.” Rachel says.

Chapter 11

*~*1 Week Later…

Paul’s Point Of View:

I’m holding Rachel in my arms right now, as she’s crying hard on my shoulders. It must’ve been tough, with Jeremy leaving her all of a sudden like that. Poor girl.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. Jennie’s looking for Jeremy and I don’t know…” Rachel says.

“Shh…we’ll figure something out.” I say.

My mind keeps on going back to Hannah. I’m not in love with Rachel, and I never had more feelings for than friendship. I wonder if Hannah’s watching me or if she’s tucked away in a corner, sleeping. I’m so tired emotionally but I can’t leave Rachel…

“MUMMY!” Jennie shouts.

Rachel pulls away from me, wipes her tears, and lift Jennie up to her lap.

“Hi Jen. Did you need something?” Rachel asks.

I leave them and go upstairs. I want to check on Hannah. She’s been so fragile.

“Han?” I ask, knocking on her door.

“Yeah I’m in here.” Hannah says.

I open the door and see Hannah lying on her bed.

“Hi Pauly.” Hannah says.

I smile at her and sit down on the bed. I wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her.

Chapter 12

Still Paul’s Point Of View:

Well…I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do. Jennie and Rachel need support, and Jeremy leaving stunned everybody. I’ve been reassuring Hannah that nothing will be different, that everything will be the same between us. She’s been emotionally weak and she’s clinging onto me. I love her so much. I don’t know what I’m gonna do anymore. I can pay child support for Rachel and leave it to that…but she still is my friend. What about Hannah, though? What about ME? A knock on the door disturbs my thought.

“Hi Pauly.”

It’s Hannah.

“Hi baby.” I say.

Hannah comes over, smiling, and sits half on my lap and half on the bed. I hold her waist and absorb the scent of her perfume.

“Paul.” Hannah says.

“Hmm?” I ask.

“What are we going to do?” Hannah asks.

Her voice is breaking. Again. I’m getting sick and tired of this. I thought she would understand.

“It’s okay. I’ll…I’ll figure something out.” I say.

I kiss her cheek and Hannah sighs. She releases the tension in her body and lets me hold her.

Hannah’s Point Of View:

Paul’s strong arms are holding me as I sigh and dream into his world. I love him so much, but maybe things are bound to change between us. I mean with Rachel and everything…

*~*~*3 days later…

Still Hannah’s Point Of View:

There’s something wrong with my stomach. I mean really badly. It feels cold at times and just plain different. It keeps on growling as though there was something wrong, like something was in there that didn’t belong. I hate this feeling. Everything I ate in the last couple of days has been coming up to my throat and I just have managed to hold it inside of me.

I feel like a nuisance to Paul. Paul looks so…lost these days and with me holding onto him, it must be tiring for him. He tells me that everything will work out, that Jeremy will go back with Jen and Rach. I’m not so sure about that. If Jeremy ends up not coming back, Paul might end up with Rachel…I used to love holding Jennie in my arms, and hearing her cheerful words, “Aunt Hannie”. I somehow don’t feel the same love for her anymore. It’s just that she’s the proof that Paul should be with Rachel and not me.

I suddenly have another one of those stomach feelings and this time, I’m not as fortunate. I just manage to get myself inside the bathroom and throw up inside the toilet. As I clean myself and everything else up, I have this feeling that I really despise. I come back inside my room after a couple of minutes and my eyes lie on the calendar. God, please don’t let this be…no. The markings on my calendar indicate that my period was supposed to start a week ago. PLEASE don’t let this be what I think it is…

Chapter 13

Hannah’s Point Of View:

…it was what I dreaded. I walk out of the doctor’s office, stunned and unbelieving at the same time. If all this Jennie madness didn’t happen, I would have been happy to be pregnant. But to think that another woman, even if it was Rachel, had a child that was Paul’s…I wanted, and still do want, to be the one lucky girl who had a child that was a Cattermole. But as it turns out, Rachel has a Cattermole, too. I don’t want this child. Well I do, but I don’t want to think of Paul’s reaction, Rachel’s baby…I grab a taxi and it takes me home. Home. Home where Paul, Rachel, and Jennie are. Home’s not as friendly anymore. I hesitate a little as I walk the dreaded path to the door. I knock on the door and lean against the outside wall. I sigh as Bradley yells “COMING!”

“Hi Han.” Bradley says.

“Hey Brad.” I say.

Bradley walks in and I walk in after him, closing the door behind me. I walk to my room, tired. I drop my purse on the floor and crash into my bed. Tears roll down. What’s next? Abortion…is it really the only option? I don’t want to be killing anything, but without a father…I don’t want to tell Paul. I don’t want to face that rejection…also that Rachel already has a child of Paul’s. I wanted to have Paul’s first child. I never imagined that any other person in the world could have a child that belonged to Paul’s.

Another rush of vomit comes up and I run to the bathroom. Unfortunately for me, I run in just as Paul is washing his hands. I can’t hold back the vomit and gag my way into the toilet. As soon as I’m done, Paul holds me. I flush the toilet and wipe my face with running cold water. Paul holds me to my room and puts me down on my bed. I sigh. I had avoided eye contact with him the whole time and now, I don’t want to face it either.

“What’s going on, Han?” Paul asks.

“I don’t know. I ate something wrong yesterday.” I say.

“You should’ve told me. I’ll take you to the doctor’s.” Paul says.

Paul puts his hand over mine and holds it firmly.

“I went to the doctor’s already. It’s nothing more than the stomach virus.” I say.

“Are you sure, babe? Did he give you anything?” Paul asks.

“Yeah, I’m sure. He didn’t give me anything but he told me to come back if in a week I don’t feel better.” I say.

“Alright. I’ll stay here until you fall asleep.” Paul says.

“No, it’s alright. I’ll manage.” I say.

“Hannah, I didn’t offer.” Paul says.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“It means that I’m not letting you choose whether to have me in here or not. I’m staying to make sure you’re okay.” Paul says.

“Okay.” I say.

“Now falls asleep, baby.” Paul says.

I nod and close my eyes.

*~*~

Paul’s Point Of View:

Hannah’s got me worried. Why has she been avoiding me in the last few days? Why did she leave for the doctor’s without telling me what the problem was? This is not like her. She’s not the type to refuse when a person offers to stay with her. She looks so pale. Why is it that I have a feeling that this is not just a stomach virus?

Chapter 14

A couple of days later…

Hannah’s Point of View:

Well, I’ve been throwing up and it’s been so painful. The others have been looking at me, worried, and this stomach virus thing isn’t working too well either. I hate lying and I’m not too good at it. I have a feeling that Paul can see right through me and he’s not buying this “stomach virus” thingy. I hate to be lying to him. God, I love him so much but sometimes I just wish…

“Hannah?” Paul asks over the door.

“Yeah?” I say.

“Can I come in?” Paul asks.

“Um…no not right now.” I say.

Paul’s Point Of View:

“Why not? Is something the matter?” I ask.

“No, nothing is. I’m half naked.” Hannah says.

I frown.

“And what’s so wrong with that?” I ask.

“Paul, I just want to be alone right now. I’ll talk to you later.” Hannah says.

That final note on her tone meant for me to leave. However, I feel that there is something horribly wrong and I stand by her door, waiting for Hannah to come out. Luckily for me, Hannah does come out in about 10 minutes, with her hand over her mouth and rushing to the bathroom.

Hannah’s Point Of View:

Paul follows me as I throw up, once again, in the bathroom. I flush, clean, wipe, and walk to my room. Paul puts his arms around me and kisses me on the neck.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Paul asks.

I nod.

“Are you sure that there’s nothing you need to talk about?” Paul asks.

“Yeah, I’m sure Paul. Why would there be?” I ask.

“I don’t know. I just had a feeling…” Paul starts.

“You gotta trust me, Pauly.” I say.

“Okay. Take a rest. I’ll be here just in case.” Paul says.

*~**~*~* 1 Day later…

Hannah’s Point Of View:

I drive recklessly and park into the parking lot. I breathe heavily as I walk slowly into the hospital.

Chapter 15

Still Hannah’s Point Of View:

I didn’t tell anybody about going to the hospital. I didn’t, and won’t tell anybody about what I’m going to do. I breathe in and out, and I have a nervous feeling. I don’t want to be doing this. Tears roll down. I wipe them off and then walk into the room.

“Ms. Spearritt?” the doctor asks, looking at me.

I nod.

“Are you absolutely, positively sure that you want to do this?” the doctor asks.

“Yes I am.” I say.

“Okay. You have 10 minutes while we get everything ready. If you don’t want to, please tell us.” He says.

I nod. I shouldn’t back off now. I’ve already made my decision. It’s final. I can’t believe this. This is so pathetic. I can’t be having second thoughts now. 10 minutes pass quickly and the doctor calls for me to come in the room. This is it. No more throwing up!

Then, I’m asked to take off my clothes. I do, and then I put on the surgery clothes. I sigh. This is it, Hannah. The doctor tells me to lie down on the bed. The materials surrounding the bed are scary. I don’t even want to look at them as I lie down on the bed. The nurse helps me up and then straps the little things on my arms. I don’t want to be going through this. The doctor reassures me that everything will be fine, but that if I had second thoughts…

*~**~*

1 hour later…

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sit there while it was removed from my body. I couldn’t manage to abort. I feel so pathetic. I planned for me to go back to the hospital two weeks later, and by that time I would definitely be ready. I walk into the house, so weak and tired. Paul answers the door and hugs me hard as he carries me. As soon as he puts me down on a bed, I notice that we’re in his room, not mine.

“Hannah, you’ve been avoiding the rest of us for a week now. We’ve gotten a break from work because of Rachel, but you can’t be like this. We’re going back to work in a week and you have to talk to me. Now what’s wrong?” Paul asks.

“Nothing.” I say.

“Hannah!” Paul shouts.

I look away.

“What is wrong? I know there’s something wrong. You’ve been going out so frequently. With that sickness…stomach virus? It doesn’t fit in. You’re throwing up and still getting so much cold air from the outside. What’s going on? I want to know. I want to help you. You KNOW I’ll listen.” Paul says.

“Paul…” I whisper.

Paul looks at me with those eyes…

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.” I whisper.

I feel something warm coming down my face and Paul wipes them out carefully.

“Alright.” He says.

“I’m sorry…” I whisper.

I start crying hard and Paul holds me in his arms.

“Shh…it’s alright. It’s gonna be okay.” Paul says.

“It’s just been so tough with you and Rachel and everything…I just needed to get away from the environment…” I say.

“I understand. Han, sleep in my arms. You’re gonna be okay now. We’ll all settle down…” Paul says.

Chapter 16

*~*2 Weeks Later…

Hannah’s Point Of View:

Oohh…I’m so glad to have a break off from work. Well today is the day I promised to meet for the abortion that I had managed to push back. I have thought over and over again. Paul and I aren’t ready for it…we’re just not…

I slowly back my car out of the driveway and head once again for the hospital, which is about 10 minutes away.

Paul’s Point Of View:

I follow Hannah out of the house and into the road. I hate doing this, but I need to know what’s going on. With Jennie and Rachel…well it hasn’t been smooth but we’re managing right now. Jennie’s being an adorable girl and Rachel’s happy with her. We’re getting settled down and the worry would begin as soon as the band splits, which would be a while from now hopefully. We’re all a part of a big family now (the others and Jennie), except for Hannah, who keeps on going out. I need to know what’s going on with my girlfriend, who has been my life. I feel that there is something in Hannah’s eyes that troubles her, that she needs to tell me but doesn’t for some reason. I love her till death and I tell her that, but it feels like she’s not listening to me at all.

It surprises me as Hannah’s car turn a swift left to the hospital. HOSPITAL? So was there something seriously wrong with Hannah? As I follow her out the car and into the hospital, all sorts of thoughts come to my mind. Is the stomach flu that bad? Has she been struck in depression? Maybe that’s the reason. Has she gone mentally insane? Suicide? Cancer? And then one word pops to my mind…pregnant.

I follow her walking a few feet behind her, twisting and taking turns. Fortunately, Hannah doesn’t seem to notice at all that I’m following her. Actually that’s unfortunate. What if a stalker was following her and she doesn’t notice? Hannah goes into a room and closes the door. I look at the door. It reads “ABORTION”. Abortion?!?? I hesitate to go in, but I gotta stop her in whatever she’s doing. I walk in and the doctor, nurse, and Hannah looks up.

“Paul!” Hannah says, surprised.

Chapter 17

Still Paul’s Point Of View:

I grab Hannah by the arm and pull her out. Hannah whimpers.

“Abortion?” I ask her.

Hannah starts crying and I hug her. I kiss her along with her tears and she starts to cry harder.

“Shh…everything’s gonna be fine, baby.” I say.

I hold her in my arms, telling her that everything will be fine. There’s something wrong…baby? Abortion? It fits. That was probably the reason Hannah’s been in and out of the house so often. She probably had decided to abort for some reason…but what if it wasn’t my baby? Wait a minute. Now I know that Hannah won’t do something like that. She would never cheat on me…

After about 10 minutes of hugging, kissing, and holding Han in my arms, I carefully walk with her to our cars. Hannah looks like she’s too weak to drive and I personally feel that she shouldn’t drive at all, so I decide to use my car and then come back later with Rachel to pick up Hannah’s car. During the whole drive, it’s pathetically quiet. Hannah is crying and I reach out and hold her hand in mine. Hannah’s tears fall into my hands and I feel so terrible. We arrive home quickly then I would’ve thought possible, and I turn off the engine.

“Hannah…baby…” I say.

Hannah cries in my arms more and then suddenly she throws herself out of the car. I get out, too, worried. Hannah starts vomiting heavily on the grass and I feel so bad. Afterwards, I hurry her to inside the house, and then we go over to the bathroom where I help her clean herself up. She changes her clothes, so frail, and I go downstairs to give her a cup of water. She drinks it slowly, and then we go up into her room. She lies on the bed in my arms and then slowly falls asleep. I watch her as she sleeps in my arms, turning slowly at times. She looks so cute. She’s been sweet and cute ever since I first saw her when we were younger. Of course back then we weren’t really into each other. No sparks. I can’t believe that I haven’t realized this wonderful girl next to me all these years…

“Hannah, I need your help…” Rachel starts as she storms into the room.

I look up and she notices…

“Oh, sorry Paul. How’s everything going between you two?” Rachel asks.

“It’s gonna be okay now. Everything will talk out…” I say.

“Cool, I’m glad to hear that.” Rachel says.

“Mummmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyy!” Jennie says.

Jennie appears behind Rachel, tugging at her pants. Rachel picks her up.

“Yes sweetheart?” Rachel asks.

“When can I see daddy?” Jennie asks.

“I’m not so sure sweetie. We’ll figure something out.” Rachel says.

I sigh.

“Rach…” I say.

“I’ll talk to Jeremy. We gotta settle something down.” Rachel says.

I nod.

“Good idea.” I say.

Rachel leaves with Jennie and I look back at Hannah. I stroke her hair and kiss her as she sleeps. She’s so graceful, but what’s the story behind the abortion? It’s kind of obvious, but I can’t be too sure until she tells me everything. During the whole ride from the hospital to here, and much of the cuddling that was done here, Hannah didn’t say anything…she just whispered, “Paul” a lot of times. I love her till death. I just look at her and realize that without knowing…

Chapter 18

Hannah’s Point Of View:

I wake up, and the sun is in my eyes. I look around and see Paul’s arms wrapped around my body. Then I remember. The painful memories…but everything will be fine…? I have a strong urge to throw up…and I think morning sickness is starting now. I hurry into the bathroom, only to find that Rachel’s already in it, in my position, doing what I should be doing. Basically she just threw up. Before Rachel or I have a chance to say anything, I end up throwing up on the toilet, and we both make a big mess. We clean up silently. As soon as I have the strength, I look at Rachel.

“I’m pregnant.” I say.

Rachel doesn’t look too surprised, but she does look very tired.

“I knew it. Congrats, Han.” Rachel says.

I smile and so does Rachel.

“I’ll explain the story later.” I say.

Rachel nods. We both are silent.

“What’s the story behind you?” I ask.

“I think…Han…oh god…I think I’m pregnant.” Rachel says.

“Jeremy?” I ask.

“Yeah. I wanted to tell you earlier but you were sleeping.” Rachel says.

*~*~*

Rachel’s Point Of View:

With my shaking hands, I call Jeremy. Hannah’s been persuading me that I should call Jeremy and tell him about the new baby coming and about Jennie. I agree with her, but I am scared of Jeremy’s reaction. Before I know it, Jeremy picks up.

“Hello?” Jeremy asks.

I can’t make a sound.

“Hello?” Jeremy asks again.

“Jeremy…” I whisper.

“Rach? Is that you?” Jeremy asks.

To my relief, Jeremy sounds truly happy to hear from me.

“Yeah.” I say.

“How are you and Jennie doing?” Jeremy asks.

“Oh god, Jeremy…I need you…” I say.

“Why? Is everything okay?” Jeremy asks.

“I’m so sorry…I…we weren’t thinking…Jeremy…I’m pregnant.” I say.

“Mine?” Jeremy asks.

“Yeah. This time it’s for sure.” I say.

“I’ll be right there, babes.” Jeremy says.

*~*~*

<~~A Couple of Months Later…

Paul’s Point Of View:

So…we’re at the hospital. Hannah’s giving birth. Hannah…we’ve been married for about 2 months now. We’re both very happy and I’m so glad. Finally everything has settled down…Rachel’s back with Jeremy and Jennie’s happy. I’m in the waiting room, checking on the others. It’s actually pretty funny because Rachel gave birth earlier today. A healthy girl…they named her Lisie, after Rachel’s aunt. So I’m facing Jeremy, Bradley, Jo, Tina, and Jon in the waiting room, along with my parents and Hannah’s.

“Anything yet?” Brad asks.

“Nope. How’s Rachel doing?” I ask.

“She’s great. I phoned Jennie and she can’t wait to meet Lisie.” Jeremy says.

I smile and then the nurse comes in.

“Excuse me. Paul Cattermole? Your wife needs you. She’s giving birth now.” The nurse says.

I nod and a nervous feeling comes up my spine.

“Good luck, Bro!” Bradley shouts after me.

I go inside Hannah’s room and see her breathing heavily than before. The doctor and the nurses are all there, and I go to her side.

*~*~*~*

Healthy boy. HEALTHY BOY. Wow. My first son. My first child. The doctor hands me the baby and I cradle him in my arms. One look at him and I’m so full of emotions. I love him. Unconditional love for a child. So this is how it feels to be a parent. I walk him over to Hannah and she cries of happiness.

“Oh wow…” Hannah says.

*~*~*

Still Paul’s Point Of View…

A week later…

Everything’s fine and steady now. The new baby, who we named Josh, wouldn’t go to sleep, but I guess that’s all what babies do. I can’t wait until he grows up and calls me “daddy” and Hannah “mummy”. Hannah’s been wonderful and so has everything in my life. Rachel and Jeremy are happy with Lisie and although jealousy has flown in for Jennie, I think things will work out. It’s great. We went through a hell of a lot of some cloudy weather, but I think it’ll be sunshine for a while now.